The Thorn Report

Discussion in 'PORTLAND AREA Dart Association (PADA)' started by CraigB, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. CraigB

    CraigB Best looking Craig B in the forum! $:-{P> Staff Member Site Admin

    Check this thread for articles by our roaming reporter Thorn (a.k.a., Adam)!

    All replies and comments should be posted in the Thorn Retort thread.
  2. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    Tap, tap. IS THIS THING ON?!?


    Dear fellow follower, please follow all of the following as follows:

    1. DO NOT POST A REPLY IN THIS THREAD. Comments, questions, clarifications, corrections and insults should be submitted one of three ways: email, private message or in The Thorn Retort. All communications will be considered available for public use unless otherwise indicated.
    2. ALL ARTICLES ARE AVAILABLE FOR OTHER PUBLICATIONS…on two conditions. First, cite my pseudonym—feel free to include my contact information if desired. Second, if your publication has the funds to pay a writer fee, I will humbly accept.

    Thank you.

    Over and double out.
  3. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    The Spring 2007 season is hopping. The new PADA Board Members have tied their new shoes and leapt at the chance to set the bar a little higher by making improvements to rules, formats, schedules, statistics, conduct codes, special events, and the website. Veteran league players are ready to vault while new members are bouncing with excitement--everyone wants to elevate their game. Who will rise above the rest?

    Most notable are changes are in match formats, statistics and season length. First, all team matches now use identical formats—only leg numbers differ. This adds clarity, consistency, and equality for statistics and division transitions by teams. Second, doubles league now records highlights and allows designated A and B players to compete. Accordingly, doubles is not just friendly practice, but a statistically legitimized competitive situation—and it’s four legs longer! Third, with thirty-four total teams, the regular season is fifteen weeks, increasing opportunity for competition. Five-team divisions will enjoy flexibility to arrange reschedules, side matches, and practice sessions. Meanwhile, the eight-team B division plays fourteen times with one bye, and Doubles division plays every week!

    Undoubtedly, payouts, prizes and popularity will reach new heights at the special events. And, hopefully, PADA supporters around the Rose City will land at one of the many minor shoots…

    Everyone enjoy the trip, and hope to see you next fall! Now, clear those hurdles!

    Over and double out.
  4. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Slabtown: A Shot For Auld Lang Syne"

    For nearly a year, monthly shoots were held at the historic dive in northwest Portland known as Slabtown. Other than the dozens of players that came for the first ten tournaments, one person was responsible for running the show. Unfortunately, he and the bar owners were unable to continue--he was leaving the country and they were selling the bar. Perhaps you had been there and met this player and seen his enthusiasm for the game. Maybe that's why--in his absence--his friends threw one more shoot dedicated to his love of the game: SlabTownXI--Best Wishes For 2007.

    According to witnesses, turnout was good although organization was--understandably--a bit chaotic. Regardless, the efforts of all who participated is greatly appreciated. Apparently, Wayne Cree and Kent Byron took first place--fitting, since Kent came to the first officially announced event, Slabtown III, and Wayne has played in at least half and won at least three. Information beyond that is scarce, but Bob Psomas and partner took second. Bob's performance is significant: as a long time PADA member, he has played several seasons for Slabtown, was a regular at the bar, and the original inspiration and competition for the man that would come to run the Slabtown shoots. Bob's smile and outgoing laughter will be missed as much as the venue itself--which, according to the latest info, has re-opened with a focus on good live music, but still has a pool table, added pingpong, and put two dartboards back up! Go check it out!

    If you know anything about Slabtown XI, please share it in The Thorn Retort!

    Over and double out.
  5. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Gimme an A! Gimme an L! What's that Spell?!?!"

    Weekly shoots continue at the A&L sports pub. Dee Phillips, dart goddess, has been running it for years, and a legion of followers, like Craig, Fletcher, Tony, Wayne, Linda, Fuzzy and others, make sure it happens if Dee cannot. Many participants have a history of dart stories to share if you care to inquire! This shoot takes place at arguably the best dart bar in Portland--and they fixed the heat! The bar owner, Angelo, is incredibly supportive of darts--he allowed the remodel so that there are now 10 boards and he often adds healthy amounts to the payouts for special events! Show your support (aka addiction) and find the fun every Friday--try to arrive around 7pm to get warm, soicalize and sign up!

    Personally, we'd like to start keeping records of the weekly results and highlights. Recent winners include Fletcher and Wayne! If anyone is willing to send weekly reports or has ideas please contact us by email, private message, or in the Thorn Retort. Perhaps, the WINNER should be responsible for submitting info to the Thorn...

    Over and double out.
  6. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Couple Survives Attack By Unseen Archer"

    There must be fifty ways to leave your out.

    The Sweetheart Shoot just broke up at the Triple Nickel and at least a dozen lovestruck dart chuckers made it a date to remember. According to one voyeur, "There were a lot of nice legs!". Payouts...who cares...all's fair in love and war! Congratulations to Jill Sanborn for winning her first Special Event!
    1st - Jill Sanborn and Craig Boughton
    2nd - Carol and Hammer Lungberg
    Top 4 - Anne Lund and Ian Griffiths
    Top 4 - Katie Hopkins and Gregg Weiss
    Top 8 - Christina Oakley and Randy (Z-Man) Zimmerman
    Top 8 - Linda and Fuzzy Fromme
    Top 8 - Carol Gross and Brian Bauer
    Top 8 - Julie Davis and Wayne Cree

    Out at Inspiration Point:
    Kathy Collins & Clay Carney
    Barbara Burr & Jim Warner
    Jannelle Phillips & Larry Murrain

    To report any Sweethear Shoot details or inappropriate PDA (public displays of affection), send it to the Thorn Retort.

    Over and double out.
  7. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Calling all Captains"

    Please invite all of your players to read this report and encourage them to contact me with any feedback they may have. Any unwanted material can be edited as soon as possible. We would also enjoy any information you can provide about yourself--years playing darts, nicknames, dart photos, personal photos, interests, or anything else you feeling like sharing. We know many of you already, others are new or unknown, so please, feel free to submit anything you want. You can contact us via email, private message or posting it publicly in The Thorn Retort.
  8. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    This league update will occur every four weeks. If you have any information to share about events in the league, please contact the Thorn via email, private message, or post it under The Thorn Retort. Thorn Awards are based on my observations and personal opinion only.

    AA League:
    The cold war continues between Shock and Awe and SOUPR, but three new teams have nuclear ambitions, build reactors and testing their 7' 91/4" missiles. The Ambushers have five sharpshooters locked and loaded. Beware the bite of the four-headed Hellfire Dogs. Murrains has the chemistry and done their genetic research. After the first four weeks of war Shock and Awe and Murrains remain opposite at 2-0 and 0-2, SOUPR and The Ambushers are opposite at 2-1 and 1-2, and Hellfire Dogs sit at 1-1.

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Brian Bauer (Ton40Out, Ton80)
    Deepest: Chris Ricci (11-1 Overall)
    In the Side: Wayne Cree (best overall for low Sportsman)

    A1 League:
    Stakes are high for these five saucy creations: Lair Legends, Slack Ass Bastards, Portland Thorns, 42 and The Competition. One new dish, The Competition, founded by the Spring 2006 Doubles Champs, joins four A favorites--one, 42, has a new name, uhhh, number. Despite the high prices, the menu is peppered with PADA rookies. Can you say, "trial by fire"? First quarter's specialty: Lair Legends at 3-0.

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Kathy Collins (Ton20On, 7count)
    Deepest: Ryan Klepetka (7-0 overall)
    In the Side: Jason Pitzer (12-3 Overall and Sportsman leader)

    A2 League:
    With their targets triangulated, be prepared to see these teams all squared: Moonshine, Holy Throwers, 505 All Day Long, UBetcha Ben's Buddies and Black Eyed Bulls. According to our math, these calculating competitors could all end up equal in the end. Three are even at 1-1, while Moonshine reciprocates the 3-0 Holy Throwers. Call this "Long Division" with two venues outside the PDX circle.

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Curtis Earhart (Ton80, Whitehorse)
    Deepest: Tom Reindel (12-3 Overall, Ton12On)
    In the Side: Tom Harrison (4-0 Cricket, Ton80)

    B League:
    To war! This is fear itself. The Posionous Snakes, Naked Sharks, Hostile Projectiles, Damn Bullseyes, Fart Duckers, The Dart Vaders, Dart Degenerates, and Pope T & the Altar Boys are in the trenches prepared to besiege the enemy. As these battalions of worn veterans returns to the field, the intial body count is too confused to confirm...

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Eric Martin (Ton80)
    Deepest: Doug Pedley (10-2 Overall, Ton28Out)
    In the Side: Josh Fisher (11-1 Overall, Sportsman lead)

    C League:
    Knock your knuckles for The Mooninites, Cork Counters, Tig O'Biddy's, Bulldogs, and New Relics. It's great to see some familiar names, but it's even better to see some new ones! It's your turn to own the oche and get all chalky. If you're a rook looking for advice...feel free to ask the Thorn.

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Alex Neely (3-0 Overall, Ton58)
    Deepest: Wayne Storer (5-1 Overall, 7count, Ton40)
    In the Side: Eric Hayden (Ton58Out, Ton12Out, 7-2 Overall, low Sportsman)

    D League (doubles)
    As one of the two members of last season's undefeated, twelve victory, zero loss, reigning champion doubles duo known worldwide as the Oregon Offshoots, and on the behalf of my partner, Mr. Smooth, we would like to wish you all good luck.

    1st Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Russ Hinkle (9-3 Overall, Ton20On, Ton14On)
    Deepest: Wayne Cree (9-3 Overall, 9count)
    In the Side: Craig Boughton (13-1 Overall, 9count)

    Eric Hayden of the New Relics from C League.

    Eric is playing his first season in team league after playing one season of doubles in previous fall. Not only did Eric hit the highest out (Ton58Out) of the season so far--for any division--but he also hit (Ton12Out) the same night, carrying his team to their first victory. For he and doubles partner, Niles, it was their first victory in over a dozen league matches. Congratulations on an amazing performance.

    Good luck to all in the second quarter.

    Over and double out.
  9. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Globally Warmer"

    Ever since crossing the equator I have searched for signs of the game. My recent discovery has taken me closer than ever to the dream of finding some competition. Those that have followed my adventure already know about my previous dart-related experiences:

    1. In Rocha, at a rock concert, throwing crushed beer cans through a hole at a beer company's promotion booth--2 for 3, 2 free beers and applause from the fleet-footed yet digitally-challenged Uruguayan onlookers...

    2. Finding paper boards and plastic darts being sold in Montevideo toystores for $8 each...

    3. Rumors of dart-boarded bars in Buenos Aires but unable to locate one during my brief stay...

    4. Eduardo in Mendoza, and his oche-less paper board which provided my first South American throws--six of them--just a few nostalgic seconds, in his micro-brewery's kitchen...see Thorn Retort

    5. Attempted to contact the British Embassy and the director of a British school to inquire about any information they had about local venues or enthusiasts. No answer yet...

    6. A few lessons and a couple games with my younger friends in Uruguay: Marcel, Francisco and Alejandro. Threw a 16 dart 301 DI/DO my first game...see Thorn Retort

    7. And now, this...


    in a billiards hall in Montevideo's largest shopping mall--two soft tip token-operated boards. The place was not open, and no one was there. No idea if anyone ever plays them or how much they cost in Uruguayan pesos. But, I feel that I am getting closer...

    8. Today, I discovered a department store that carried the best boards I've seen yet--still paper with plastic darts--but black and yellow with a cricket side and the baseball boards on the back: $15...

    Currently, I'm considering starting a combination private class: Learn to Play Darts Whille Practicing Your English! I'll try passing out fliers at all the local affluent clubs and schools. We'll see what kind of response it gets...

    Over and double out.
  10. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "And Boy Are My Arms Tired"

    Whew! I just got done flying back and forth to Portland to check out the ADO Qualifier at the A&L on Saturday, February 24th. It wasn't easy to watch all of the action from the foosball table unnoticed especially with the left side of my mustache repeatedly coming unglued, but fortunately I managed...

    A dozen shooters showed up, ten men and two women, to compete for a chance to have the $110 fee covered for the ADO Master's Regional next week at the Home Plate Tavern in Tacoma, March 4th. It was an impressive roster of some of the PADA's best talent including Ian Griffiths, Andy Lamb, Wayne Cree, Carol Cross, Pete Van Hemert, Brian Bauer, Scott Rosenkrantz, Jill Sanborn, Bob Wright, Micah Krock, Tony Kim, and Craig Boughton. One particular match featured Andy using just 18 darts to take Ian in a leg...

    When all was said and done, Craig Boughton, Wayne Cree and Carol Cross earned the privilege to represent Portland in Tacoma. Good luck!

    If you're interested, anyone can enter if they pay their own fee. For more, check out the South Sound Open info at

    Over and double out.
  11. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Nobody's Perfect"

    If you know Craig, the PADA Director, you know at least three things: he’s really good, really nice and he devotes hours of personal time to the PADA. Recently, a number of the best and most enthusiastic players from our region got together for an impromptu singles shoot at the A&L to help the PADA Special Events Coordinator, Christina Oakley, get some practice for a big mixed-trio’s tournament coming up—she will be the teammate of a former world champion! Well, both of them were kind enough to tell poor Thorn about a fun event he would have loved to attend, and Craig gave a full account of his experience. I thought it would be interesting to share with all of you—and remind you that, regardless of how good you are, you are human. So, I asked perission, and edited just a couple colorful words…otherwise, here’s Craig telling me about the match:

    I'm mad at myself! (And would have been even if we were playing for free.)

    I didn't run the shoot (it was Christina's last minute idea) so I went there simply to work on my game and didn't pay much attention to anything else.

    My flight consisted of:
    Andy Campbell
    Ian Griffiths
    Jill Sanborn
    Eric Hayden
    Sam Kimpton
    Anthony Kim
    Ryan Klepetka
    Erik Martin
    Gary Scruggs
    Kathy Collins
    and myself of course

    The other flight (from what I can remember) had:
    Randy Zimmerman
    Wayne Cree
    Linda Fromme
    Fuzzy Fromme
    Christina Oakley
    Charlie Gotgart
    Dean Fletcher
    Andy Lambe
    Tom Anderson
    Clay Carney
    (That was either all of them, since they didn't have a bye, or there were two others I'm not remembering.)

    Although there might have been only 10 in the other flight, we had to wait a good 45 minutes for them to finish before the quarter finals.

    In my flight Andy came out first since I was the only one to beat him (the whole night actually). I came out second even though I wasn't really playing well. I dorked around with my doubles long enough to lose 501 legs to Sam, Eric and Ian, plus I should have lost 501 legs to Ryan, Andy and Erik (Jill had just gotten to 40 when I took the out). Ian came out third or fourth and I don't know who got the other spot. I wasn't paying attention to much even though I was calling out the matches for my flight (Dee Philip ran the other flight).

    Talked to Wayne, there were only 10 members in his flight (they were just slow I guess) and Eric Hayden came out of my flight third (and lost to Tom) so Ian was fourth.

    In the other flight, Wayne, Tom, Clay and Z-Man came out. In the quarter-finals, Tom played the person from my flight that I don't know, Wayne played (an off his game) Ian, Andy played Clay and I played Z-Man.

    Although I was struggling with my outs, I was still hitting enough triples in flight to be ahead of everyone. We played on boards 1 thru 5 in the back area. When I went over to the other area (boards 6 thru 10), I suddenly was completely unable to hit triples. I hit a couple in cricket, but mostly I was hitting three singles on the wire. I barely squeaked by Randy in cricket and then, in two legs of 501 (legs two and three of the match), I didn't hit a triple! He was on a double in the third leg when I took out 82 with S17 (going for a DB), SB, D20 to advance to the semis.

    When I played Wayne, I was comfortably ahead in the first leg (cricket) when I hit five 8's followed by five 10's. I did hit four bulls, but it wasn't enough at that point so I now need to win the 501 leg. However, I didn't hit any darn triples in that leg either even though I was all over the wire. Even so, I was sitting on a nice 2-dart out when he took the game.

    That's the third event where I'm nailing stuff in the back area only to wire everything after moving to the front area. Not sure why, but it made me very, very angry (while waiting for the other flight, I played Andy 101 and was ahead of him 16 to 12 even though I wasn't playing as well and I had just beaten him on Thursday in league so I was feeling pretty confident). Although I may have looked like I was watching the finals, I wasn't paying too much attention. I DO know that at the end of the third and final leg, Andy took out 88 with S20, S18, DB while Wayne was looking at a double.

    Anyway, I didn't go to that event to be "Mr. Nice Guy," I wanted to see if I could start playing the way I'm supposed to play (and the way I used to play). I didn't, and even lost legs to C leaguers. It's definitely made me think about what the heck am I doing (and made the road tougher if I ever want to tour again). Two weeks ago I averaged 16-dart games of 501 (which is where I should be, 15-18 darts). Saturday, I probably averaged more than 30-dart legs. And, yes, I'm still mad at myself today.

    Over and double out.
  12. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    AA League:
    The tides of war continue to turn. SOUPR, two matches ahead yet tied in wins, is positioned to possibly flank Shock and Awe, The Hellfire Dogs have sniped three wins, The Ambushers hope to hit the whites of their eyes in the playoffs, and The Murrains—suffering a winless flesh wound—can still bite some ankles off.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Andy Campbell (15-0 Singles Cricket)
    Deepest: Craig Boughton (Whitehorse, 9count, 100out, 10 7counts)
    In The Side: Ian Griffiths (Ton80, 9count, 8 7counts, 132on)

    A1 League:
    The redhot Lair Legends have been cooking, with one rare loss, while cooking 42’s record to matches their name. Meanwhile the Thorns, after a four loss start, have suddenly ignited, The Competition is still simmering, and with just two wins despite the second highest PF total, Slack Ass Bastards are feeling the heat.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Shaprest: Ryan Klepetka (21-3 Overall, 12-0 Cricket)
    Deepest: Jason Pitzer (152on, 100out, Sportsman leader)
    In The Side: Michael Schmidt, Matt Spingler (18-0 cricket combined)

    A2 League:
    According to my calculations, count on the undefeated Holy Throwers to keeping adding wins, 505 All Day Long and UBetcha Ben’s Buddies to be factors, Black Eyed Bulls could round up, and winless Moonshine needs to improve exponentially to make a difference.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Micah Krock (10-0 cricket, Whitehorse)
    Deepest: Greg Haggan (19-1 overall, 2 Whitehorse, Ton80)
    In The Side: Jerry Long (0-30 overall, Thorn’s pulling for ya!)

    B League:
    The undefeated Poisonous Snakes have struck six times, but so have the less perfect Dart Degenerates. The Naked Sharks, Hostile Projectiles, and Damn Bullseyes are contending for the final playoff spots, while Pope T & The Altar Boyz, Fart Duckers and The Dart Vaders still have slim hopes.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Joe Frice (Ton80, 18-6 overall)
    Deepest: Josh Fisher (22-2 overall, 12-0 cricket)
    In The Side: Lori Christal (Sportsman leader, 101out)

    C League:
    Look out for the rooks! The Mooninites and Bulldogs are fighting for first with Tig O’Biddy’s waiting to sucker punch the leaders, The New Relics have dug deep and won two straight, and Cork Counters want to spoil someone’s party.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Marcus Anthony (5-0 cricket)
    Deepest: Ian Fisher (14-4 overall)
    In The Side: Wayne Storer (16-2 overall, 2 7counts)

    D league (doubles)
    Beauty and the Beast continue their undefeated fairy tale, while Good O’ Boys, British Bulldogs, and Wire Benders plot for the playoffs. Chainsaw and Mule and More Bull look like they’re out to pasture, but there’s still time.

    2nd Quarter Thorn Awards
    Sharpest: Diedre Brown (2 7counts, Ton40)
    Deepest: Jill Sandborn (8count, 2 7counts)
    In The Side: Wayne Cree, Craig Boughton (lost to Thorn last season!)

    Bryn Mills of the New Relics from C League

    There are thirteen women playing this Spring. Of them, five have hit a 7count or better for total of ten times—9 7counts and 1 8count. Of those five women, two are well-known and respected league veterans—despite their youthful appearance! Two others are accomplished, having played multiple seasons and many special events. They and their divisions are: Kathy Collins (A1), Lori Christal (B), Deidre Brown (A1, Doubles), and Jill Sandborn (A2, Doubles). One is a rookie who started playing this season—not league…darts.
    This week, she hit her first highlight—a 7count. Congratulations from Thorn.
  13. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Deadeye for a Straight Guy"

    I've tried to write this first sentence so many times....Screw it. I'm just going to tell the story and let you decide if you believe me or not.

    So, I'm in Uruguay. No leagues here, no players, no bars with boards, no stores that carry the real gear, only super cheap boards with plastic darts in toy stores--and if anybody plays, it's kids who have no idea how to play any game other than one they invented, let alone Cricket or '01. Now, I was a pretty fair shot back in Portland--I hope some of the SEWA-nauts from there will vouch for that--but I'm not crazy good by any means. In about a year of playing, I've hit a couple dozen Ton80's, hit the big out once, and two deadeyes. Here's one:

    So, that's me: good, solid, not amazing, but a legit guy and honest when it comes to games--never understood cheaters, the tougher the comp the better, the best way to get better, right?...

    Anyway, with a dream of starting a small dart class, I bought four super cheap Made-in-China boards, with six scrappy no-more-than-5-grams-barely-got-all-the-plastic-in-the-shaft/flight-mold darts.
    No idea what the board is made of, some kind of foam, with the sisal marbling painted on--150 pesos a set--six bucks for board and a half dozen darts.

    So, starting yesterday, I hang one on the door and start testing. I soon realized--to the frustration of my dart-purist mind but to the benefit of my beer belly--that the light darts were going to have a super high drop out rate, not bounce outs, but the kind that stick, droop and drop; getting three to stick was an accomplishment. "Oh well, live with it," I said. I put some cardboard up to protect the door and walls, a bath mat for the wood floor...

    Having no one to compete against, and having always been curious, I read about the practice games. So, I start trying to set my first Personal-Bests in each game and start climbing the rankings (man, some you folks are way up there). Four games into Bobs27 I finally score positive. Unfortunately, when I try 100@Bulls, I discover the actual DB is made of something completely impenetrable--a hard wood or something, and even pushing a dart in by hand was almost impossible, and absolutely no way to do it with a throw--Roger Clemens couldn't do it. I even tried stabbing it and scratching it up with a a razor blade to soften it up--no luck.
    So, knowing that I'm a lot better than anything I could get playing by the technical drop-outs-don't-count rule, I decide to count any dart I could clearly identify before it fell. After all, I'm just trying to get an accurate measurement of my skill and improvement, right? It's not like I'm cheating to climb the ranks and make myself feel better. Pshhh, only losers would do that! So today, I scored some wood to put behind the board--cardboard wasn't cutting it/hope the landlord won't notice-- and then I'm home, trying to improve my meager first best scores...

    Well, I decide to take my second whack at 100@Bulls--scored 20 the first time, not counting the dozens of bounce- and drop-outs--this time, I'm counting anything I can be sure was in, or made the now familiar 'smack' sound of the rock hard DB. I'm up there counting pock marks and everything. So, on my 26th round, first dart, my eyes and ears tell me that was a DB--"Good, wish they'd stick". Second dart, SMACK, "Sweet, that's four, this would be an unbelievable deadeye..." Third dart, SMACK again. "Whoa, I just hit my third ever deadeye...and it's all on the floor!" So, having the camera handy, I snapped up what little evidence there was...


    So, now you know my little story. Follow your gut, check your brain, take heart, and decide for yourself if you believe me...

    Over and double drop out.
  14. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    The following is a report on C League happenings from Niles Lehman of the New Relics. It was sent by private email, but I thought it was so good I asked for his permission to share it with all of you. I hope that this will encourage others to send me reports of their matches or tournaments so everyone can enjoy reading about competition and accomplishments in the PADA...Here's Niles:

    First of all, Bryn is jazzed by your most recent selection! Wow!

    Now, some news from the C league. Again, we lost out to the Biddy's team,
    although it was a much more enjoyable match this time. Dan showed up an hour late, but certainly brought his darts, playing quite well in singles.
    In a cricket match with Mike Deen, who was otherwise sharp all night, Dan
    stormed out to a huge lead with everything open but the Bull and about a
    100-point edge on the board. Mike bled the bull to come back to take the
    lead and was slowly-but-surely closing all the other numbers. Dan hit a
    clutch 5 marks on the 17 to regain the lead and finally got the last bull he
    needed to win.

    Elsewhere on our side, our Mike and Eric shot sub-par, but enough to split
    when they played. Bryn's magic couldn't hold over from last week, and
    although I shot above average (not yet "good", but improving!), we couldn't get enough wins to reach the 12 mark. I did hit my first highlight of my life (a seven-count: 20, T20, T19 in a doubles cricket that we ultimately lost) and closed out three 501 games, so I went home partially satisfied. I choked in my cricket matches though, and likely cost us the victory. On their side Mike Deen was certainly the hot hand, although Ian Fisher had a few good moments.

    I'm not sure how the other match went, although I see the Mooninites won in a tie-breaker. That makes three 13-12 matches this year for the Bulldogs!

    As a side note, like a good Little League coach, I try to make sure all my
    players get to play an even number of matches each night, while not all
    other Captains do the same. Do you have any thoughts on that?

    Cheers, Niles

    And, since I consider it a valuable question, I'll share my response to his question:

    Well, first, great report Niles--I'd like your permission to reprint this in the Thorn's a great example of good reporting, and will help me encourage others to contribute. Second, so glad that Bryn got wind of my award, and I think she--and the rest of the women--certainly deserve kudos more often than they get them in a male dominated sport. Third, I absolutely agree with the "equality philosophy", especially at the lower division levels--besides being just the right thing to do, I believe it will go a lot further toward team success and overall chemistry in the long run...until the playoffs, that is, then you have to be the coach that wants the team to win and play your best players. If you've followed the "equality rule" up to that point, it will be all the easier for players to accept your decisions when you are thinking of the "now" instead of the "we"--"now" trumps "we" only when you're playing "one or done". If your best player complains about not being played more because they're better than a teammate, than he's not your best player anymore; it's negative and a detriment to the chemistry, and should be clearly, firmly and kindly told so, or they can beat it--just part of the captain's chair my's just like being a dad or a teacher, it's your family or class, and no whining should be rewarded, just the opposite, in my humble I said, long range goals first, short term goals when they are know the game of life...don't let a lesser person pester your convictions or take you down the low road. Of course, as you reach the higher levels of competition, this policy becomes less important as players understand that every dart, leg and game is going to count more, and they often have season's of history together. But, at lower levels, or even when a team is new, I think it's paramount, and, just courteous. After all, this is "team" league and we all know the true inherent qualities of a championship caliber team--it's teamwork. But, if you want a little advice on finding some "flexibility" in the policy...just try to keep things equal over the regular season, not every match--that way you can still play your big guns against the better teams, and let your other players compete against the less threatening opponents...

    Speaking of teamwork...How about them Ducks!!!!

    Over and double out
  15. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "A Green Day Concert"

    If you weren't lucky enough to follow the rainbow to the PADA's St. Patrick's Day Shoot at the The Lair in Vancouver, you are probably green with envy. Ten pairs crossed their fingers hoping to win the gold in the pot. Playing O'one...501 Straight In Double Out, but shooters needed a GREEN double to win the game--and with 7 of 10 green doubles being odd, players can really end up in a pinch! Here are the results:

    1st - "Saint" Patty Milton & Tom "Irel-"Anderson - $100
    2nd - Janelle "Doublin'" Phillips & Tom "McSwoosh" Harrison - $60
    Top 4 - Kent "Cork" Byron & Claude "U of O" Matteson - $30
    Top 4 - Jerry "Four Leaf" Fears & Doug "Shamrock" Rhay - $30

    Other pairs, like Kathy "Micheal"" Collins and Aaron "Gold" Rhay, Richard "Emerald" M. and Patty "Treasure Hunter" Hearn, Andy "Stew" Lamb and Bob "Limerick" Wright, Chad "U2" Morrow and Dean "Clover" Fletcher, and Craig "Champ" Boughton and Clay "Blarney" Carney, found the leprechaun more elusive. And, Kent Byron made everyone green with the highest of highlights, the maxim, a Ton O'80.
  16. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Diabolical Scheme"

    In three days, the start of operation "Oche", will commence.

    The mission: to build a dart playing community from scratch in Montevideo, Uruguay.

    Phase 1: Rent a room at the local library/cyber cafe/school next door. Buy four boards with darts. Pass out fliers to all the nearby apartment buildings and bars advertising an open dart tournament with free food and drinks for a very small entry fee. Hire a beautiful female translator to assist. Teach newcomers game basics and a simplified version of '01. Have four cash prizes-two that are randomly drawn. Get people addicted, and repeat this every week until a strong nucleus of regulars develops...Meanwhile, work on Phase 2: sending proposals for dart classes to local recreation centers, and dart tournament fund-raiser proposals to local schools...

    Advice or ideas anyone--put it in the Thorn Retort

    Progress report after Saturday...

    Over and double out
  17. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    AA League:
    While SOUPR and Shock and Awe continue to counter-attack, the medal of honor goes to Hellfire Dogs for a one point victory and loss against the dominant division leaders. Meanwhile, The Ambushers are ducking for cover while the Murrains try to mend up in the M.A.S.H. unit…

    3rd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Jason Merrell (Ton80, 26-10 overall)
    Deepest: Jake Scott (33-9 overall, 8 7counts)
    In The Side: Bill Dennis (Sporstman Leader, 41-10 overall)

    A1 League:
    The Lair Legends and 42 continue to sizzle, while the Slack Ass Bastards have caught on fire. Despite averaging 16.25 victories per match, the Portland Thorns keep coming up on the short end of the stick, while The Competition simmers after a potentially costly forefeit…

    3rd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Amy Beruga (Ton40, Ton21 versus 42)
    Deepest: Tom Anderson (Ton17out, Ton07out, 9count, 23-7 overall)
    In The Side: Bob Sartor (Ton60, 15-13 overall)

    A2 League:
    After adding up three more wins each, the Holy Throwers are primed and UBetcha Ben’s Buddies are greater than the remainder: 505 All Day Long went positive and negative while Black Eyed Bulls and Moonshine had bigger problems…

    3rd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Carlos Gressam (19-3 overall, 10-0 Cricket)
    Deepest: Scott Rosenkrantz (27-8 overall, 5 7counts)
    In The Side: Paul Simon (2nd in Sportsman, 9 count, 20-10 overall)

    B League:
    Despite being once bitten The Poisonous Snakes slither ahead while the Naked Sharks quickly swim up from behind. The Dart Degenrates, Hostile Projectiles, and Damn Bullseyes are fighting for fourth. While Pope T & the Altar Boyz are praying for hope, The Dart Vaders and Fart Duckers have almost none…

    3rd Quarter Thorn Awards:
    Sharpest: Rob Edens (9count, 7count, 19-13 overall)
    Deepest: LJ Stupey (25-11 overall, 7count)
    In The Side: Alan Hill (13-3 Cricket, 3 7counts)

    C League:
    The Mooninites are howling about their lead over Bulldogs and Tig O’Biddy’s. Meanwhile, the New Relics have dusted themselves off and found themselves in fourth, but the Cork Counters can probably skip the champagne…

    Sharpest: Niles Lehman and Dan Fellini (7counts)
    Deepest: Scott West (11-5 overall, 2 7counts)
    In The Side: Beau Iverson (Sportsman Leader, 14-8 overall)

    D League (doubles)
    Beauty and the Beast continue to have perfect 20/20 vision, and it looks like British Bulldogs, Good O’Boys and Wire Benders will see them in the playoffs. If they squint, Chainsaw and Mule might spy a glimmer of a chance, while More Bull has been blinded by the light…

    Sharpest: Craig Elliot (7count, 11-9 501)
    Deepest: Pete VanHemert (4 7counts, 11-5 Cricket)
    In The Side: Jill Sandborn (8count, 23-21 overall)

    Player of the Quarter:
    Craig Boughton of Shock and Awe from AA League, and Beauty and the Beast from D League

    A great guy and one of the Northwest’s best, Craig is always a pleasure--with or against--in competition. Besides being “double top” in more than one division, the PADA league director is a great musician, statistician, and an internet magician. His highlights this season are impressive…especially combining both leagues: 33 7counts, 2 8counts, 5 9counts, 2 Whitehorses, 2 Ton08 On’s, 1 Ton18 Out, and 38 HighScores including 23 Ton40’s! Craig could have won this honor every quarter so far…Congratulations from Thorn! And, thanks for all your efforts for the members of the PADA.

    Thorn’s Motivational Award:
    All the other PADA players!!!

    Pffft…83 highlights…so what?!? League members have combined for 20 Ton80’s—2 people have hit 2 each! There are 30 HighOns and 7 HighOuts bigger than what’s-his-name’s--including 18 HighOns and 5 HighOuts that were thrown by players in “weaker” divisions! In fact, a C league rookie has the best out…forty points higher than a certain someone. I’m just saying, a lot of great darts have been thrown, more will be, and anybody can hit anything anytime they really want it. So, if your playing for first or worst, lock onto that oche and knock their socks off…

    Thorn’s Inspirational Story:

    Plastic darts, cheap boards, a bullseye made of rock, no players, no bars, no league, and trying desperately to spread the sport. But, I still practice…alone, at home. Last month, my wife went to the USA for three weeks, and got back just before my birthday. Being the best woman in the world, guess what she got me?!?...
    If I can practice in Uruguay, you can practice in Oregon...

    Over and double out.
  18. Thorn

    Thorn New Member

    "Jumble: READ LINES"

    As far as I know, only one person looks forward to reading my irregular reports. First, thanks buddy. Second, sorry I´ve been tardy with adding more recently. Allow me to relive my youth with a barage of excuses and a promise: I got real busy doing lots of different things over late April and early May--teaching English classes, buying extra apartments to sublet and preparing them for guests, planning a trip to Peru and Bolivia, commentating soccer games, drinking beer and eating barbeque, and working on my blog...checked it out recently ( But, although, right now, my wife, suffering from bolivian agua, and I, are currently trapped in La Paz due to bus-stopping road blockades created by protesting transportation industry workers--no joke, we should be in Cusco by now--we will be back in Uruguay in early June and I´m going to find time to write my fourth quarter report and one on the playoffs...By the way, I´d really like to hear how the playoffs have gone for everybody, if you have any time to PM or email me. Lastly, I want to ncourage everyone to go to the Oregon Open! Why, because I went to my first last year and acutally won the opening BlindDraw, which means that anyone can get lucky and have an unbelievable experience. But, also, because Christina, I hope, will be there collecting used dart parts to send to me in the utterly dartless country of Uruguay--and it´d be awesome to receive any personal notes or affects if you had time to think of Thorn who very much misses the PADA, his friends, and his home town. YEah, I know, hard to believe me--I am loving life these days--but you always miss the things that make home...home.

    Over and double out.
  19. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    Judging by the incredible amount of worried responses in the Thorn Retort (0), you guys are totally jonesing for me to finish my PADA regular season report and quash all the suspense of my final awards and accolades! Me too!

    Sorry for the delay but I was busy researching the history, culture and cuisine in Peru and Bolivia! I'm on it--dare I say "COMING SOON" right after a quick report on darts and varmints in Peru!

    By the way, there's not a lot of interesting highlight data analysis to do with the playoff scores--I can't do much with 1-0. So, if any of you closet Thorn Report lovers have the time...send me some freaking info on your playoff matches! I'd also love to hear about the Oregon Open or any shoots in Portland! You can post your version in the Thorn Retort or use the 'email' or 'www' to find a sneakier way to contact me!

    Over and double out.

    PS-did any Oregonians find some suspicious quotes in the Steve Duin article in the May 27 Sunday paper? Here, let me help ya find it:
  20. Thorn

    Thorn New Member


    I don't know about you, but I like doing my favorite things in fabulous, unusual, fascinating new places--whether it's rafting, darts or eating a guinea pig (ok, I've only done that in one place). South America--like many international SEWAnauts outside of Europe and North America know--is one of the more difficult places to locate an oche. When you find one, there's nothing like another check on your personal list of life's experiences...

    I recently returned from 20 days in Peru, plus a dip into Bolivia. No, I didn't mountain bike Bolivia's Road of Death due to some ill-timed intestinal distress, scheduling constraints, and a tight belt on the wallet (bummer too, it looked like a blast and according to other tourists, it was). Yes, I did get to raft two Peruvian rivers--Rio Chili and Rio Apurimac, the origin of the Amazon. No, I didn't see any puma; yes, I saw llamas, alpacas, vicunas, chinchillas, penguins, flamingos, and condors--plus we picked up some unique unknown bug bites.


    But, most surprising was finding opportunities to throw some darts in four unlikely places: Arequipa and Aguas Calientes in Peru, and Copacabana and LaPaz in Bolivia. Also, I tried a very dart-like traditional Andean game called 'Toads' along the Urubamba river in the Sacred Valley of the Incas between Cusco and Machu Picchu...

    I want to share some photos because--although many of us have never met--we are like close friends through the love of the game. I want everyone to know that at these special moments I was thinking of my dart buddies, my home league pals in the PADA, and especially the international support of all the cyber-chatting SEWAnauts!

    Arequipa, flanked by volcanoes, is in southern central Peru, a beautiful city filled with proud progressive people and colonial architecture chilling at 2380m or 7740 ft. It serves as the starting point for outdoor adventures in Colca Canyon, twice as deep as the Grand Canyon, filled with pre-Incan terraces, rainbow blanketed women in bowlers, and mystic Andean condors. Strolling the bars prior to an ostrich fondue dinner, we found an Irish pub; in the darkest corner, unused and unloved, a board with some strange diamond flighted plastic darts. I only threw a few, but managed a DB in the Incan homeland. Check.


    By bus to Bolivia and the eastern edge of Lake Titicaca, we took refuge with our colds and congestion in Copacabana, Bolivia--not the Brazilian bikini clad bar of Barry Manilow fame. This one's at 3800m, that's 12,500 ft--or, for my Pacific NW friends, the tip of Mt. Hood. Again, we walked the quiet streets of a sleepy little town serving as the main port to Lake Titicaca's Isla del Sol and Isla del Luna--the birthplace of gods and origins of Incan beliefs. We found an eclectic bar hiding a shadowy board shrouded in smoke stains and drunken wall signings. After an alpaca steak, a few throws and a photo: "Darts in Bolivia, check."


    We headed to LaPaz hoping to rock hop down the World's Most Dangerous Road. At night, we found an 8-year old ex-patriot bar that has to hide it's booze because they still haven't gotten their liquor license. "Maybe this week," said the barkeep--I tired a liter of local beer. Despite good chalkboards and a pefect private alcove, the dart board was flipped to the concentric circle side, the bullseye was like an inny bellybutton, and the filed down steel tips had trouble sticking. By day, time and money kept us to touring the town--where the witch doctor's market sold medicinal llama fetises, the black market sold all things stolen and smuggled, and downtown, well, riot cops were ringing protesters--who, in the morning, would block the border and leave us stranded in a bus for 12 hours in the high desert. Strangely, the blockade ended just after the European Soccer Championship game...


    Escaping Bolivia's unrest and arriving at Aguas Calientes, the foothill town of Peru's most famous marvel, Machu Picchu, we found another testament to the influence of tourism: a dart board in a restaurant/disco/bar/hostel that actually bears the name of Cusquena, the local beer company. Unbelievably, here I found Tim, a boisterous backpacker from Indiana..."Sure I'll play! Yeah, I used to play some league..." With the Inca's Lost City perched above in the jungle dark, awaiting our sunrise approach in the morning, I threw a game of Cricket with Tim. With a snicker I hit a sloppy DB first round going for T20. Winning in about 40 altitude dizzy darts, we called it good, shook, and I thought, "I just won the Machu Picchu Open!"

    By the way, we climbed to the tip of that rock in the back, known as Waynu Picchu...

    I wanted to save 'Toads', a traditional Andino game, for last. We played it after taking pictures of the guinea pig pen and slurping the local drink, chicha, a maize based murky brew that looks like unfiltered heffeweizen and tastes like sweet, slightly fermented beer. Similar to darts in execution, players chuck, flick, flop or "frisbee" 6 heavy bronze coins at the golden toad's mouth (5000pts)--which, besides two holes in the backboard, is surround by 8 other surface scoring holes: three square ones in the back (500), two round ones to the toad sides (1000), and three with spinning stern-wheelers up front (2000). After a round, the drawer is pulled to verify the scoring coins. We tourists had battles by country--and I'm ashamed to say the USA came in tied for second in mixed doubles. Belgium won Men's singles with 6000 pts including a perfect flip in the frog. But, I must say, there was a cosmic connection between the allure of darts and toads...


    I told you! Tasted like chicken--only cuter, and not as good. Well, it used to be cuter...

    My advice? Travel as much as life will let you, experience as much as you can, spread goodwill through the game, and then share it with others. You can't take it with you--just ask fluffy here.

    Over and double out.

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