I was thinking of running a dart tournament, but don't have all the credentials or authority to set up and enforce The Rules of Conduct. So I am going to propose the following offences and the reactions to them: 1) When, sorry, should be 'if', anyone gets slobbering drunk, to the point of their speech becoming unintelligible, they will taken out back and outfitted with a kilt. 2) If anyone gets drunk enough that they are drooling all over everyone, we will slap a kid's bib on them. And it'll be one of the 'Teletubby' ones too, not a cool Pokemon one. 3) If any one gets pushy or bully-y and physically offensive, our largest darter will escort them outside and tell them to get lost. If the pushy one IS the largest darter, well, I hope you are enjoying the tournament, sir. 4) If any male darter hugs too many lady darters, first make sure it isn't me, then we will put velcro police tire strips on the ladies' backs. 5) If any one, wins over $100 on any pulltab, 50/50 or Poker thingie, they must buy a round. 6) If any darter hits more than five 180s on the day, they will be tasered. 7) No one will be eliminated due to tardiness at the line. However, once the time has elapsed, the match will begin and players present can start shooting. (Kinda like when the Sharks left the ice over a bad call and a minute and a half later, the Canucks scored.) 8) Anyone smelling of that disgusting skunkweed will be sat down and told at length about our days when only good stuff was grown and sold and it smelled sweet. And judging from the way skunkweeders act, the stuff is crap too. Just sayin'. 9) Everyone who loses a match is to chalk the next match of their opponent. Except people whose math is pathetic, who move around, who think putting the chalk in their ear is funny, who take a drink to the board with them, who look at their cell phone, who decide they should wipe part of the board just as you're about to throw, who had a burrito that day, who seem to always need to cough, and.... oh nevermind, we'll chalk our own. 10) Dress Code - we're in a bar, eighty percent of the players are legally impaired, half the guys are fat f%@k$... who cares. GAME ON!!!