Doesn't that hurt?!... Nah, ... well maybe a little...

Discussion in 'Dart Humor' started by BlackHorse, Nov 22, 2014.

  1. BlackHorse

    BlackHorse Moderator Site Moderator

    Why do I play darts? - that's been asked of me so many times.

    You players, you know why. It's for those times when you somehow manage to get all your tendons and ligaments and muscles working in unison, and your eye and your brain are actually on the same page, and it all comes together for that smooth-flowing, deadly-accurate, effortless throw that lands your dart point exactly where you wanted it to go.

    Then you spend the next hour and a half trying to figure out what the #%&*$ you did and how the $%(*#& to make it happen again, but that's beside the point.

    Those people who started darts, who began tossing pointy things at marked targets, they imagined a wonderful leisure activity, enjoyed by players standing calmly before their objective, smiling, relaxed, going thru a simple, tai chi type of motion which would propel the little stick through the air, gliding beautifully to it's intented mark.

    Yeah, that's not where we are today.

    Because that smooth-flowing action eludes us more often than not, because our laser-targetting is on the $(*##^ fritz more often than not, we resort to all kinds of postures and deliveries in our frantic attempt to recreate what we have proven ten thousand times we ain't gonna do again until it decides itself to come out and play again.

    So we lean a tad to this side... maybe line up our eye behind the dart a bit better. Then a little more, cuz that didn't work for more than the first two throws. Before we are ready to give up on this endeavour, we are so tilted at the line that when we get ready to throw, people are rushing over to catch us thinking we are about to topple over.

    And we have to get closer. Some moron figured 7'9-1/4" was an exactly perfect distance, so wth, we should be right frikkin there with our foot. The pros do it, so we should too, if we want to get more accurate, right? Right. But not with our toes, no, that's not close enough. Being logical, intelligent beings, we proceed to bend our foot at a 90 degree angle to the rest of us. Doesn't that hurt, people ask? Nah, the human foot was meant to be twisted completely to the side. You watch - darters who have gone this route can turn corners without even seeming to break stride.

    Your non-playing friends say, that's gotta hurt. Meh, we answer, we got used to it. And just to make certain it was a challenge to do so, and again to get as close as (twisted) humanly possible, we also lean way the &^@$^ over the line so the stress vectors on our ankle couldn't be figured out by the graduating class of engineers at Cal Polytech.

    All that weight placed on the one foot for years' worth of darting has to have an effect. I figure that leg ends up a tad shorter than the other over time. You can prove it too, if you want to - distract a longtime darter when they are walking along and if they forget to compensate for the difference in their legs' length, they'll start to veer off to one side. A really old dart player will walk in circles if they aren't careful.

    The back leg and foot placement are very special indeed, and show the most individual creativity. Some players put their back foot close behind, maybe twist its' location to a degree that even the Spanish Inquisitors would wince at. Other darters like to use the rear leg as a counterbalance so they can lean all the further out over the throwing line. I looked up that positioning in the Yoga Handbook and it is listed with a Japanese name which means 'Praying Mantis Hit By A Car'.

    Hard core darters with this approach have been known to go to some lengths to make the best use of that counterbalance. They will try to add weight to that rear leg by working it out alone. If you see a guy whose legs don't look like they belong on the same person, you have found such a darter. It's like watching Taylor Swift walking very closely with Arnold Schwartzenegger. In a circle.

    I do believe that the originators of these outlandish stances were chiropractors. They saw a chance to cash in on darts and began telling players that bending this way and that and holding steady while bones creaked, tendons screamed and proper alignments went right out the window was the way to gain that perfect throw. My appointments are every Friday after league darts.

    Dart players have very flexible and loose eyebrows. This has nothing to do with the act of throwing, however. It comes from years of their eyebrows going up in surprise when they see their opponent go into their exaggerated dart-launching pose. Cuz most every social darter's evolved posture is quite unique and therefore looks entirely preposterous to other players. The eyebrows will go immediately down again should that exaggerated dart-launching pose actually be successful as the watcher frowns in disgusted anger at their opponent's obvious luck.

    All in all, it pays off. Oh, not in dart playing though - that girl who can walk upside down in The Grudge is a long time darter. She always walks like that now. In a circle. I know cuz her chiro appointments are right before mine.
  2. Erik

    Erik Site Owner Staff Member Site Admin Site Moderator

    :lol: LOL great article BH! Had me laughing all the way through....until, that is, you were writing about me! :x :roll:

    Should post on the main page -- this is a good one!
  3. KopRalph11

    KopRalph11 Administrator Staff Member Site Admin

    Thats Old School Blackie . Great to see him back. ;)
  4. Erik

    Erik Site Owner Staff Member Site Admin Site Moderator it
  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    You guys are living a great fairy tale. LOL

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